A few years ago, someone I love was brutally raped. She didn’t see her attacker’s face but was sure it was someone she knew. That’s often the case; women who are raped or abused in other ways usually know their attacker. I’ve always said if it were me, one of us would be dead ― me or the rapist. Like many women, our nature is to fight back to the ugly end, then think of consequences later. Even women who, over time, have accepted their abuse can reach their breaking point and become consumed by rage.
Unfortunately, consequences for surviving sexual assault and other forms of domestic violence can be worse than the actual abuse. Especially here in Oklahoma. Just ask the women languishing in prisons who survived their abusers.
At Mabel Bassett Correctional Center, about 1,200 women are serving sentences for everything from burglary to murder. Among those serving time for murder or assault, some are women who killed their abusers. They just as easily could have been your daughter, sister, aunt or mother ― someone you love. Survivors come from everywhere on the socioeconomic ladder. Domestic violence is an equal opportunity ordeal.
Oklahoma laws allow protections such as our “stand your ground” laws for self-defense or to save someone else’s life, but those protections are ripped from women who survive their abusers when they resort to lethal means. They end up in prison, in many cases punished indefinitely by the state, their incessant abuse having no weight in their case.
Rep. Toni Hasenbeck, R-Elgin, introduced the Oklahoma Domestic Abuse Survivorship Act during the last regular legislative session. The bill would have allowed courts to consider “whether a person has been abused when weighing sentencing or guilty pleas in cases of murder of their intimate partner.” Hasenbeck is still baffled that the bill, which received unanimous support initially, fell victim to politics in one of the most contentious legislative sessions in recent years. “I’ve never had to work so hard for something in my life,” she said. “We still live in a state where a woman is most likely to die at the hands of a man.”
The Legislature will have an opportunity to advance and pass the bill again next year. Hopefully, it will include language that considers not only future cases, but also the plight of women already serving time for killing their abusers.
Hasenbeck is doing more research and bringing in more expert voices to the conversation, including law enforcement ― those who understand the dynamic of abuse and its psychological impact and people who won’t blame the victim for staying in an abusive relationship or returning to live with an abuser.
Everyone with a female relative (that means just about every Oklahoman) should support the Oklahoma Domestic Abuse Survivorship Act becoming law. Oklahoma is No. 2 in the nation for women murdered by men, according to the Violence Policy Center. Another study released earlier this summer ranked Oklahoma No. 1 for women and men experiencing domestic abuse. I believe one woman’s troubles are all women’s troubles. But Hasenbeck explains best why we all should care: “If one of my daughters ends up in this situation and I, in my position, haven’t done anything to change the law, I don’t know how I’ll be able to forgive myself. I also have to fight for everyone’s daughter.”
I can’t imagine what would have happened if my friend had killed the man who raped her. She certainly did not belong in prison; women who kill their abusers do not belong there.
More:Former cop: Stop punishing Oklahoma women who survive domestic violence
Let’s fix this with the Oklahoma Domestic Abuse Survivorship Act. Oklahoma must stop punishing women who already have endured lasting physical and psychological pain.
Clytie Bunyan is managing editor for diversity, community engagement & opinion.
How to get help
State SafeLine: 1-800-522-7233
Domestic Violence Hotline: 405-917-9922
Sexual Assault Hotline: 405-943-7273
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