Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail

When the clock strikes midnight on Dec. 31, so many of us have set goals for ourselves for the New Year. Anecdotally, however, the vast majority of resolutions fail.

In this article, we’ll explore why we sometimes fall short on those resolutions and offer expert-provided tips and suggestions for keeping – and succeeding at – your most ambitious goals.

It’s always appealing: New year, new you, with the same hope returning that this time will be different.

“Everyone can benefit from the idea of a new beginning. This has been true since time immemorial,” says Kathryn Smerling, a New York City-based family therapist.

New beginnings are a prime time to reevaluate, reassess and reflect, she adds, making fresh resolutions or goals a natural tendency. This compulsion to capitalize on new beginnings isn’t necessarily relegated to Jan. 1, either.

“The same might be true for birthdays or other transitions,” says Sophie Lazarus, a clinical associate professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral health at the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center in Columbus. “New Year’s resolutions may end up falling into the same category as some other resolutions, such as ‘I will start my diet on Monday’ or ‘I will get back to exercise in the spring.’”

So, even with the best intentions, where do we go wrong?

We transition from bright and shiny resolutions to disappointment for a number of reasons.

First, framing goals within time constraints can be counterproductive.

“It can be a way of avoiding the difficulty that comes along with making a change in the moment, even though it brings some relief in the moment,” Lazarus explains.

It can also be related to a misalignment between what you’re hearing and your motivation for pursuing a goal.

“Outside-in solutions, such as dieting, joining gyms and so on, are doomed to fail if, other than your well-intentioned resolve to change, you’ve done nothing to enhance your capacity to either sustain motivation or handle the inevitable stress and discomfort involved in change,” says Joseph J. Luciani, a New Jersey-based clinical psychologist in private practice and author of the Self-Coaching series.

“Whether you’re feeling anxious, depressed, frustrated, fatigued, weak, out of control or simply bored, emotional friction (stress) becomes the high-octane fuel of failure,” Luciani says. “When it comes to handling the stress involved in change, many well-adjusted, happy, overweight, out-of-shape people share the fundamental problem of self-sabotage.”

Here are eight ways to stick with your New Year’s resolution well beyond January and all the way to completion.

Luciani recommends beginning with small wins.

“Take a look at the habits that are holding you back in life,” he suggests. “Find one that’s simple, like, ‘When I finish this meal, I’m going to wash my dish.’ Make a contract with yourself that that dish must be washed. No ifs, ands or buts!”

From there, you can make other small daily changes by finding simple challenges, he says. After all, long-lasting change is incremental: One small change builds on the previous change.

Focusing on small steps can also help you keep your expectations in check.

“We may have grand ambitions for all that we want to accomplish in the new year, but if we start January trying to do too much at once, it’s easy to get in over our heads,” Smerling says, adding, “Don’t expect miracles. Big changes are made with small steps.”

That feeling of being overwhelmed can derail any forward progress you might otherwise make, so keep your aims little, and resist the urge to give up when you inevitably encounter resistance.

When you succeed, even if it’s “just” an incremental goal, celebrate that victory.

Set challenging but realistic, achievable goals.

“Don’t challenge yourself with a pledge that you’re not sure you can handle,” Luciani says. “If, for example, you’re not sure you’ll stick with going to the gym five times a week, then don’t promise yourself. Better to do the best you can than to fall short and wind up jeopardizing your growing capacity for believing in yourself.”

Learning that you can achieve the small goals you set also builds you up for bigger challenges.

“When it comes to building trust, it’s better to lose the battle than the war,” Luciani points out.

You also have to make your goal a priority.

“Don’t allow yourself to procrastinate; make yourself finish your paperwork before turning on the TV; decide not to spend too much at the mall. These are all trust-muscle builders, and you should view them as you would an actual muscle,” Luciani says. “Like a muscle, the more you work out, the more your capacity for personal success will grow.”

Life is all about ups and downs – you can’t have positives without negatives, Luciani says. But you can strike a balance in how you look at both of these realities.

“The key is to train yourself to focus on the positives,” he explains. “Don’t let insecurity suggest there are no positives. Positives may be eclipsed by a habit of pessimistic negativity, but keep looking: They’re there.”

It may take some concrete effort to make this change. For example, “if you’re a whiner or a complainer, make a determination to stop whining and complaining to yourself and others,” Luciani says. “Pessimists are so used to being negative that they don’t realize it’s a habit. And they don’t realize it’s a choice.”

That can be a tall order. The next time you realize you’re complaining about something, take a step back, and look at what’s got you upset and why. You may come to realize it’s not worth getting worked up over, and it might be time to focus your energies elsewhere.

In the rush to make big, life-altering changes, many people fall into the trap of thinking they need to strive for a specific goal that may not actually be important to them.

Instead, you should work toward “resolutions that align with your values,” says Kristen M. Carpenter, chief psychologist in the department of psychiatry and behavioral health at the OSU Wexner Medical Center and director of ambulatory services for OSU Harding Behavioral Health.

After all that sacrifice and hard work, you want to be able to revel in your achievement, right? But if it turns out the thing you’ve been working toward isn’t aligned with your values, that success will ring hollow.

It can also be helpful to choose resolutions that have impact across your entire life, rather than just one area, Carpenter says. For example, trying to focus on just your career while postponing working on your personal life might not be the best way to go.

“A more impactful approach is to create resolutions that simultaneously enhance multiple areas of your life. For example, resolving to live in the moment can enhance your life personally and professionally,” she says.

Understanding who you are can make a big difference in making changes as part of your resolution.

“Living without self-awareness is like driving your car at night with the headlights off,” Luciani says. “Technically, you can still drive, but you will eventually have a collision.”

Cultivating critical self-awareness, however, will “shed light on your destructive, reflexive habits and thinking and on any self-sabotaging mind games at play. When it comes to self-sabotage, mindless capitulation to destructive impulses is your number one enemy,” he points out.

Lastly, it’s important to persevere.

“Too often, people view a lapse as the end of a resolution,” Carpenter says.

For example, if you’ve resolved to exercise three times a week but end up skipping a week or more, many people believe that’s it – the resolution has failed, and they move on to the next thing.

But if you do that, you’re missing the bigger picture.

“Change is a process, not an outcome,” Carpenter explains. “As such, change requires upkeep. When you slip, rather than give up, it’s important to figure out what went wrong and get back on track.”

To help you stay the course, recruit help from a friend or loved one who will support and join you, and keep forging ahead.

“It’s easier to keep the momentum going when you hit a bump in the road,” Carpenter says.