The way we connect with the partner in a relationship has a lot to do with the behavior pattern we have. When we try to reach the partner and create a space for deeper emotional connection, we should focus on the way we approach it – through invitation or through accusation. “So many partners are seeking more emotional connection than they’re getting in their relationship. But sometimes the way they reach for it actually creates an emotionally unsafe environment that is the very opposite of what they’re hoping for. I don’t expect one partner to indefinitely do all the work in the relationship. But sometimes one partner has more information than the other or is better resourced. Often if this partner gets the ball rolling the relationship environment will change and become more positive. Positive environments encourage growth by dissolving defenses, opening us up to change, and bringing out our best,” wrote Relationship Expert Julie Menanno.
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Here are a few ways to invite the partner for a stronger emotional connection:
Invite for the closeness: When we long to have a closeness with the partner, we should clearly explain to them how we are trying to have a connection with them rather than focusing on how they are doing it wrong.
Validation of their resistance: In case they are resisting our approach, we should lead with the validation of their behavior, instead of the pain we are facing because of that.
Our needs: We should have clarity on what we are looking for – based on that we should start the conversation. We should steer clear of protesting about things that we are not getting.
Start small: When we start a conversation based on small things, we set the conversation for success, or something that can lead to solutions.
Being specific: We should be specific to our partner about the things that can make us feel good. This will give them more clarity.
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