Don McPherson leads panel on ‘modernizing masculinity’

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In partnership with the Barnes Center at The Arch, the New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence hosted the “Modernizing Masculinity: How Men and Boys Can Break the Mold and Achieve Aspirational Masculinity,” a panel Tuesday evening.

The event aimed to foster discussion about masculinity and how it can affect men in all stages of life and from all backgrounds. The panelists discussed how toxic masculinity can perpetuate domestic and relationship violence, and encouraged men to take care of their mental health.

Don McPherson, a former quarterback for Syracuse University, National Football League and Canadian Football League moderated the panel. McPherson is an advocate against gender-based violence.

The OPDV is an office unique to New York state that works to guide legislation and provide resources surrounding the prevention of domestic violence. After decades of women leading the conversation on sexual and relationship violence, said Kelli Owens, executive director of OPDV, the office has recently shifted to engaging men and boys as part of the fight against gender-based and domestic violence.

“If we really want to end intimate partner violence, we’ve got to be in this together and maybe we need to start talking about it differently with one another,” Owens said.

For a crowd of around 40 in David B. Falk College of Sport and Human Dynamics’s White Hall, McPherson directed a conversation around masculinity and what it means to be a man. The panelists — Bryan Blum, Joe Horan, Jordan Pierre, Jarrett Woodfork and Adam Youngs — came from a variety of backgrounds, including students and staff from SU and New York state officials.

For each of the men on the panel, masculinity meant something different — but when guided by patriarchal culture, all of these definitions were incomplete, McPherson said.

“‘What does it mean to be a man?’ And we hear (people say) to be protective, a provider, a survivor. All those things that we do, that we’re supposed to do for others, we’re supposed to show up for others,” McPherson said.

For a crowd of around 40 in David B. Falk College of Sport and Human Dynamics’s White Hall, McPherson directed a conversation around masculinity and what it means to be a man.

Jack Henry | Contributing Photographer

The panel’s initial definitions centered around power, strength and protection, but with prompting from McPherson, these classifications of masculinity were expanded to include love, tenderness and vulnerability.

Blum, a doctoral psychology counseling intern with the Barnes Center, said he sees young men struggling with vulnerability. Blum said he often wonders why these young men press so hard to see him for counseling sessions since he is frequently met with a similar response.

“This is the place where I can express myself, and my friends, I do not trust them to hold all I am feeling,” Blum said his male patients tell him.

Woodfork, an executive assistant district attorney for Onondaga County who heads the Special Victims Unit, said that recognizing and understanding underlying emotions like these is essential for preventing domestic violence. People who commit acts of domestic violence are often incapable of handling emotions like sadness, anger, frustration and despair, he said.

“When we’re thinking about the context of domestic violence, those are individuals that are being controlled by their emotions, exerting themself in a very negative, horrible way,” Woodfork said.

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and the panel was part of OPDV’s “Start the Conversation: Engaging Men and Boys” campaign. The conversation also coincided with ideals set out in the Pledge of Accountability to End Gender-Based Violence in partnership with Lt. Gov. Anthony Delgado. Both of these initiatives were launched in April 2023, according to an OPDV release.

During the event, panelists continued to bring up the feeling that being masculine comes with pressure to suppress emotions and avoid vulnerability, something they all agreed they want to see changed in society. This feeling manifests itself in a variety of ways, from avoiding tough conversations to feeling pressured to not cry, the panelists shared.

Youngs, a sophomore at SU studying accounting and finance and a Barnes Center peer educator, said he could recall frequently bottling up emotions in the past, designating crying as something that only happens when experiencing physical pain.

For Youngs, this expectation was finally broken when his girlfriend told him she was proud of him.

“Just the words ‘I’m proud of you’ have so much power, it makes you drop down all the walls that you built up for the past 20 years,” Youngs said. “‘I’m proud of you’ is beautiful, and that was the moment in my life that I was able to show my true colors to someone else who wasn’t my family.”

By exploring what masculinity meant to each of them, the panelists offered thoughts about “aspirational” masculinity, which entails considering what kind of man someone wants to become, McPherson said.

Woodfork said he encourages all young men to take ownership of the trauma and pain they are experiencing.

“Running from those feelings, setting them aside, pushing them down or not even acknowledging that they exist, is causing harm,” Woodfork said. “Allow that work, that process to manifest itself in a positive way to help propel you to a better version of yourself, to a better understanding of that person that you are trying to become.”

Masculinity is largely taught and modeled to young boys, McPherson said, urging the panelists to think about who modeled masculinity for each of them growing up.

For Pierre, a television, radio and film graduate student in the Newhouse School of Public Communications, his idea of masculinity comes from his upbringing as a Black man in Brooklyn. Since masculinity is so dependent on context, Pierre said, there is not one singular way for someone to be a man.

Contrary to the expectation that masculinity comes from fathers, Woodfork and Blum said that their mothers modeled how they view masculinity.

“To my mother’s credit, my ability to have … that emotional intelligence actually guided me in my career as well and produced a better relationship with my father,” Woodfork said.

At the end of the discussion, McPherson asked panelists what they wanted young men to take away from these intentional conversations about being a man.

Joe Horan, director of Building Men in Syracuse, said that he hopes men and boys can be the best version of themselves, keeping in mind that everyone will be different. To achieve this, men must have a sense of curiosity and a good group of friends they trust, he said.

Youngs encouraged men to have the hard conversations, even if they may be uncomfortable.

“Don’t see them as the hard conversations, see them as a conversation. Don’t put a stigma on your conversation because you’re talking about your feelings,” Youngs said.

People in need of domestic violence support can call (800) 942-6906, text (844) 997-2121 or visit the OPDV’s website. SU’s Barnes Center Counseling and Sexual and Relationship Violence Response Team can also provide confidential support 24/7 at (315) 443-8000.