As we face this election year, fears about America’s divisions are palpable. Some feel the survival of our democracy hangs by a thread. Disagreements over all sorts of major political and social issues have been on the rise, as Gallup data has found. Worse, these differences all too often turn personal, contributing to attacks on social media and even real-life violence – the most notorious example being the Jan. 6 insurrection in 2021.
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The work I do as a speaker and consultant helping organizations transform, in my home state of Texas and across the country, shows me every day that there are concrete steps we can take to bridge our differences. The key is to focus on something that has gotten far too little attention: the stories that mean the most to each of us.
Author and speaker Brené Brown has discussed the importance of serving as “trusted stewards” of people’s stories in order to understand how they feel. In my work, I’ve found that this applies not only to people’s life experiences, but also to their broader conceptions of society. Our stories tell us who we are.
For example, many people on the political left are fed up with stories of America that omit the horrific experiences, as well as the important contributions, of groups that were subjugated from the country’s earliest days, including Native Americans, enslaved people, immigrants and others. They’re also fed up with stories of a fictional meritocracy that routinely seems to advantage one group of people over others who are just as qualified.
On the right, many people feel that the rapid changes taking place across society are robbing them of their stories, including the conception of America as a beacon of hope and democracy. They’re hurt by what they feel are depictions of their ancestors having worked, knowingly or unknowingly, to maintain societal structures built around racism.
As a person who works to end all forms of bigotry, I see the frustration of both perspectives. I also know we need to understand what we’re demanding of people on the “other side.” We are, all too often, sending the message that if they don’t give up their stories, they’re intolerant, misogynistic, transphobic, unpatriotic or just generally ignorant.
I’ve been on the receiving end of such disdain as well. For example, some people are angry with me for my support of diversity, equity and inclusion. But I know that DEI strategies and programs are just tools, and people of good intent can disagree about tools without losing sight of the goal: improving America for us all.
So how do we get past these divisions? Working with groups across the political spectrum, I ask people to share the stories that matter to them and why. This process helps to remove some of the ego, emotional baggage and personal judgments that cloud our ability to hear each other. By focusing on and sharing our stories, we invite people to open their minds to new perspectives. And by listening to other people’s stories, we start to discover ways that our own are incomplete or simply untrue. This process helps many people discover that the fundamental things they want are not quite as far apart as they seem.
If you claim to love America, you need to learn to love Americans. That doesn’t mean blind agreement – or even agreement at all. It means having enough love for fellow Americans that you want them to have the benefits of safety, freedom and other values that we cherish. As you look ahead to the next chapter of America – as yet unwritten – what space do you see for people who disagree with you?
I don’t pretend that the answers are easy. But in our workplaces, we come together across differences – sometimes significant ones – to achieve common goals. I’ve seen people form new relationships and understandings through this way of thinking. For example, in my sessions, some people have shared their stories of being the only woman or minority in a room. Some white men then shared their more rare experiences being the only man or white person in a room. They said the conversation helped them consider what it must be like to be “the only” all the time.
If we can manage these kinds of conversations in the office, why not also in the halls of government or the general public square?
Little by little, an increased understanding of each other’s stories can help us achieve what I want to see most in America: indivisibility. “Indivisible, with liberty and justice for all” – many of us recall standing and saying the Pledge of Allegiance at school, but we may not have fully explored its meaning.
To me, the term encapsulates a beautiful, aspirational promise. It’s about moving through the world with a deep understanding of the value, strength and beauty of others. It’s a practice of bridging differences to activate the unique capabilities of others and yourself.
To be clear, there are Americans who will never take part in efforts to achieve indivisibility. There are those who selfishly have no interest in planting trees for the next generation. And there are others still who seek to pluck up the trees that have already been planted. This is how it has always been.
But there have also always been those who honor the gift of their inheritance by working to make this country greater. Heroes who work to build rather than extract. This group grows larger the more we listen to each other. If we can find the courage to do so, we will be able to craft a beautiful future and become more indivisible.
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