It’s one thing to understand in no uncertain terms this is a war crime. It is quite another to talk to families members whose children, parents, siblings, cousins and other loved ones have been kidnapped.
I’ve heard half a dozen of them speak. I’ve hugged a few. I’ve been astounded by their graciousness, selflessness and willingness to tell and retell the most painful moment of their lives so the rest of us won’t forget them. When you meet individuals and share their pictures and stories, you are reminded these people are not simply one of 240. They are not merely “Israelis.” They are babies and grandmothers, men and women, foreigners and Israeli-born, religious and nonreligious. An entire network of people is attached to each and every one, spending every waking moment in agony. As one mother asked: Did her child die right away? Two weeks ago? Five minutes ago?
A 9-year-old spent his birthday in captivity. A 10-month-old baby, not yet eating solid foods, and an 85-year-old grandmother were taken. Many, we know, were injured and brutalized before getting carried off. One mother said the last image she saw of her son showed part of his arm had been blown off by a grenade. Is he still alive? Did he bleed to death?
Despite suffering one cannot begin to imagine, not a single family member has called to kill Palestinians or destroy Gaza. They simply want their loved ones back. They candidly acknowledge that Palestinians are victims, too. And, to a person, they insist all hostages should be released. Though each person’s return is a celebration, they deplore the notion that one but not another should be spared.
My experiences with these families prompted me to relook at the behavior on campuses, not in political but in moral terms. The contrast between these people, deeply and perhaps permanently scarred, and Hamas apologists who, from the comfort of a college campus, hurl vicious insults at vigil attendees and shred “kidnapped” posters could not be more glaring. Such abject cruelty directed at such innocent victims defies imagination. Moreover, it suggests that Hamas apologists are utterly indifferent to Jews’ and non-Jewish Israelis’ suffering. Such conduct is not just antisemitic but inhumane, designed to victimize the victims.
You have to wonder about the sort of graduates these schools are sending out into the world. I recently saw a letter to law school deans signed by dozens of the country’s top law firms. “As educators at institutions of higher learning, it is imperative that you provide your students with the tools and guidance to engage in the free exchange of ideas, even on emotionally charged issues, in a manner that affirms the values we all hold dear and rejects unreservedly that which is antithetical to those values,” it read in part. Lawyers can spot the ethical rot and unfitness, but the institutions responsible for teaching them professional ethics, equal justice under the law and universal human rights cannot?
Talk to the hostage families, and you’ll see politicians demanding an immediate cease-fire in a different light. I cannot imagine anything more morally obtuse than demanding a cease-fire before Hamas is permanently disabled so as to prevent a repeat of the Oct. 7 horror. Do they honestly expect a cease–fire without the return of all hostages? Are Israel and the other countries whose citizens sit in dark tunnels supposed to simply write them off?
Let’s be clear: The war would end immediately if Hamas were to surrender and return the hostages. Why is this not the demand? That, after all, is what many say when a cease-fire in Ukraine is proposed. The war would end immediately if Russia were to withdraw and return Ukraine’s kidnapped citizens.
Seeing, hearing and embracing victims’ families can be as clarifying as it is heartbreaking. You see those who afflict them with insults and cruel abuse as moral actors responsible for their own conduct and revealing their own set of values. Those arrested for vandalism, including tearing down “kidnapped” posters, should spend some time with the families. They might learn something about decency, compassion and courage.
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