Candles are lit at empty place settings at a vigil at the YWCA in Williamsport marking the local victims of domestic violence Oct. 18, 2023. Over 10,000,000 women and men are the victims of domestic violence.
According to the YWCA’s website domestic violence includes physical violence, verbal or emotional abuse, sexual abuse, economic abuse and psychological abuse.
The YWCA’s crisis hotline can be contacted 24/7 at (800) 326-8483.
DAVE KENNEDY/Sun-Gazette
The table was set for guests to arrive, but no one took their place as only the memories of those lost to domestic violence and the horrific stories of how their lives were ended by their abusers filled the spaces where they should have been.
The vigil in remembrance of those lost to domestic violence in Lycoming County was held at the YWCA Northcentral PA this week. An annual event, it brings into sharp focus a problem that too many are still facing thinking there is no help for them.
“Domestic violence is defined as a pattern of behaviors used by an individual to gain and maintain power and control over a family member or intimate partner,” said Amber Morningstar, program director at the YWCA which has the Wise Options program for domestic violence survivors.
Speaking at a recent county commissioners’ meeting Morningstar cited national statistics that one in four women and one in seven men will be a victim of domestic violence at some point in their lifetimes.
“There are roughly 113,000 residents in Lycoming County. If that statistic of one in four and one in seven is accurate, and I believe that it is, that equates to 28,000 women and 16,000 men of Lycoming County will or have been a victim of domestic violence. In the program year 2022-23, Wise Options alone served 1,164 victims of domestic violence from our county,” she said.
“Domestic violence does not discriminate. It can happen to anyone and the detriment it has on everyday life is real. Survivors are forced to rebuild their lives, often coming to Wise Options with only the clothing on their backs, no support system, no money and nowhere to go,” Morningstar stated.
“Over the last few years Wise Options has endured a significant increase in the amount of time survivors are forced to reside within our emergency shelter. Three years ago, we were providing on average 5,000 to 6,000 safe shelter nights for women and children. Over the last fiscal year, we provided over 40,000 safe shelter nights to women and children,” she added.
The vigil is a stark reminder of the reality of those who never made it out of abusive relationships.
One by one, their names were read along with what they enjoyed in life and how their lives were ended by their abusers — men and women who left behind loved ones to mourn their loss. And then there were the children. A child’s table set for four young children who were caught up in adults’ abusive relationships.
Lycoming County Coroner Chuck Kiessling delivered some sobering statistics at the vigil, along with a reminder that as the holiday season approaches with Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Day comes stressors that can trigger domestic violence.
“We’re now approaching holiday seasons. It’s supposed to be joyous, happy times for all of us. It’s not always, with domestic violence,” Kiessling said.
“There are stresses because of finances. There are stresses because of scheduling visits with families. If somebody already has violent, aggressive behavior, those additional stresses can certainly bring about the situations that lead to domestic violence,” he added.
Throughout the month, there have been purple flags on flag poles throughout the area to bring awareness to the issue of domestic violence. A nationwide campaign, “Every 1 Knows Some 1” invites people to be aware that there might be someone in your family, at work or at church who is living in an abusive relationship.
According to Morningstar, the numbers are probably greater than is reported.
“I feel like it’s underreported, because some people are afraid to come forward. Specifically in young male survivors of domestic violence, a lot of times there’s a stigma when you’re a male survivor, so they’re apprehensive to come forward. And then females in general are afraid to come forward, because the abuse may get worse, or they may be isolated even more from their friends and family, or they may be financially dependent on the abuser,” Morningstar said.
“I honestly believe that that statistic is underreported, I believe it’s accurate, but I think there are more people who experience it than we even know,” she added.
To reach survivors of domestic violence and to try to break the cycle, the YWCA goes into schools to educate children about the issue and to talk about what healthy relationships look like.
Awareness events such as the vigil are also important in bringing to light the problem and beginning the conversation.
“For so many families, domestic violence is a hidden issue. Historically it was something that you didn’t talk about, so just getting the word out that we’re here and we’re available for survivors is key,” Morningstar said, speaking after the vigil.
Wise Options operates a 24/7 hotline for survivors taking the first step to leave their abuser or they can choose to walk into the YWCA building.
“We offer a slew of services that would enable them to leave and leave for good. We offer PFA, so protection from abuse orders, crisis counseling, as well as intermediate and long term counseling services. We have a shelter that is equipped and ready. If someone comes here with nothing, we have what they would need to begin to rebuild our lives,” Morningstar said.
“We offer case management. That’s life skills coaching, budgeting, helping them with finding a job, all of those things so that they don’t have to be financially dependent on their abuser. We offer medical accompaniment and medical advocacy. So we will go with survivors to law enforcement interviews or to medical facility appointments if they have injuries or different things that they need to have checked out. We provide group counseling, so we have groups that meet bi-weekly here at the YWCA. And in addition to that, we provide rapid rehousing and relocation assistance,” she said.
Another statistic that highlights the difficulty survivors face: It takes, on average, eight to 10 times for a survivor before they finally leave their abuser for good.
“We are here to help them through that entire process. So if they leave and they choose to go back, we let them know that they can continue to come to counseling, they can continue to receive support from an advocate,” Morningstar said.
“I really want the community to know that we have some amazing advocates here and our Wise Options program that are eager and ready to help survivors leave their situations and we are constantly looking for solutions to reasons why survivors have to stay in an unhealthy situation. So if we don’t have an answer, we’ll find it. If there’s something that someone needs to do to help them become safe and leave an abusive relationship, we’re gonna do our best to help them,” she added.
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