At this point, you probably know how it feels when you like someone. Maybe you just always want to be around them, or your heart skips a beat (not literally) when a text notification pops up on your phone. Maybe, you fall asleep thinking about your future together.
However, those telltale signs of a crush can be harder to read when the situation is reversed. Sometimes, it feels downright impossible to identify if someone likes you romantically—whether it’s a hottie you’ve been seeing from Hinge, a person you just met at a party, or a longtime friend.
Something that makes these situations even more confusing? Many people overcompensate and try to play it cool when they like you, so that they don’t come across as desperate or obvious, says Chloe Carmichael, PhD, a clinical psychologist, Women’s Health advisory board member, and author of Dr. Chloe’s 10 Commandments of Dating.
“They actually might have a tendency to become a little bit more guarded so that they don’t spook you or scare you away,” she explains. Others might hide their feelings to avoid the possibility of rejection, adds Tamekis Williams, LCSW, the founder of Mission Dorothy Female Empowerment Services.
Meet the experts: Chloe Carmichael, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, Women’s Health advisory board member, and author of Dr. Chloe’s 10 Commandments of Dating. Tamekis Williams, LCSW, is the founder of Mission Dorothy Female Empowerment Services. Shawntres Parks, PhD, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and Women’s Health advisory board member.
This is why it’s always helpful (for all parties involved) to be direct with someone you like. If you’ve been dating or even flirting and feel like you know where you stand, start an open dialogue about the topic. Here’s a quick script of something you can say to bring up the conversation, per Williams: “Hey, I’ve really enjoyed this time that I’ve spent with you. It’s important to me to be open and honest about my feelings. With that being said, do you mind if I tell you how I’m feeling about our connection at this time? I just want to make sure that you are at a place where we can discuss this.”
It’s important to clarify whether you’re sharing this message just to express your own feelings, or because you want a response from them. Also, you should speak about how you feel, without assuming they feel the same way, she adds.
But, if you haven’t had a chance to have that convo yet, it’s natural to want to suss out how someone might be feeling. Although everyone expresses their feelings differently, here are 11 common signs that someone likes you, per experts.
1. They respond quickly to your texts and calls.
If someone is interested in you, they’ll generally prioritize getting back to you pretty quickly, and also initiating contact about anything and everything, says Carmichael. It’s a particularly good sign if they reference shared memories or inside jokes. “If the contact is referencing a funny joke or something from the time that you spent together, then it shows that they have been mentally reviewing and reliving that time together in a positive way,” she adds.
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In the same vein, this person might be particularly reliable. If your car breaks down, they’re the one who answers your call and comes to help. “They will give you access to them that maybe other people don’t have,” Williams says.
2. They care about spending quality time together.
Maybe they’re always talking about planning your next date, and then actually following through. Your dates are fun and thoughtful—not just the same Netflix-and-chill sesh every weekend—and they spend that time getting to know you. “They’re not only willing to communicate via a phone call or text, but they’re also willing to set aside time to meet up with you in person,” says Shawntres Parks, PhD, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and Women’s Health advisory board member.
If they like you, they’ll tend to move with purpose. “They’re being intentional about the time that they spend with you, how they behave around you, how they want you to feel when you’re in their presence,” Williams continues.
3. They ask you thoughtful questions.
“Asking you questions about yourself demonstrates that they’re interested in getting to know you,” Carmichael says. And while there’s nothing wrong with some prerequisite small talk, those questions probably aren’t “What are you doing this weekend?” or “What do you like to do for fun?” Instead, they’re a bit deeper, and might pertain to your future goals and values, Williams adds.
These kinds of questions and conversations indicate “that a person is going beyond getting to know you as a companion… [and is] thinking about you in a little bit more of a relationship-oriented type of a way,” Carmichael says.
4. They say what they’re looking for in a relationship.
Again, this might seem a bit obvious, but if your conversations ever sway toward what this person is looking for in a relationship, they probably like you at least a little bit! “I would take that as a sign that they’re interested in you, [and] presumably telling you because they’re curious to see how you respond to what they want,” Carmichael says.
5. You talk about past relationships.
They might ask you about your previous relationships and what went wrong, or they might be talking about their own past relationships. “That could mean it’s because they’re interested in you and they just want you to know them better, and maybe understand if the roadblocks they had in their past would be roadblocks with you, as well,” Carmichael explains.
But here’s the flip side: If they seem overly emotional as they talk about their ex(es), that might mean that they’re still stuck on those past relationships, she adds.
6. They remember things you shared.
When someone likes you, they’re likely paying attention when you’re together. So, if you mentioned you played tennis as a kid on your first date and they ask if you still play tennis on the second date, that’s a sign they’re listening (and interested). “That shows that they’re really paying close attention, thinking about who you are and the things that you share,” Carmichael says.
7. They give you mild physical contact.
No, I’m not talking about packing on the PDA. (In fact, that could possibly indicate that they only want something sexual, Carmichael explains.) Instead, they might be holding your hand across the dinner table, putting their hand in the small of your back as you walk through a restaurant, or putting their arm around you while you’re walking down the street.
“Those [gestures] show the type of interest and closeness through physical contact, but also a level of restraint that suggests that they’re showing respect for the relationship,” she says.
8. They’re a bit awkward around you.
“Sometimes, a little awkwardness can actually mean that someone just really likes you,” Carmichael says. For example, maybe they laugh nervously around you and smile a lot, Williams says.
Think about the time you once went on a date with someone who was a bit *too* smooth. They wined and dined you, used a lot of flirtatious lines, and seemed super charming. Ultimately, that might not have necessarily meant they had feelings for you. So, if the new person you’re seeing is awkward, don’t write it off just yet, Williams adds.
9. They want to share their passions and skills with you.
When someone likes you, they want to share whatever skills, positive traits, and resources they have with you, Parks says. This can look different for everyone. Maybe they’re a really good listener, and they’re always making an effort to ask you questions about your day. Or, maybe, they’re a great chef: When they cook a meal for you, they’re letting you in on their passion (and probably impressing you in the process). “Whatever thing that they are good at, they’re sharing that thing with you,” she adds.
10. This person spends what they can on your relationship.
No, spending a ton of money isn’t an inherent sign of interest. But if someone likes you, they might intentionally budget for date nights, or treat you to things when they can. Maybe someone can’t afford to take you to dinner every week, but they’re willing to spend money on groceries to make a meal for a picnic. Or, they save money to spend on gas to drive to your meetup.
“Oftentimes dating can be expensive, and we get caught up in things like expensive dinners and expensive dates and things like that as indications that someone is interested,” Parks says. And that’s not always the case. What really matters here is the effort.
11. They’re willing (and excited!) to spend time with the people in your life.
Someone who likes you has “a willingness to enter into public engagement,” Parks says. Not only will they go out with you in public, but they also want to meet up with your friends and people in your community. (Of course, in the beginning of the relationship, they probably won’t be as involved as they will when you’re a few months in.)
Having feelings for someone can be scary, and hopefully, they’re making an effort to show you that they like you back. But if not, remember: The only surefire way to tell whether or not someone likes you is to have a conversation about it. You’ve got this!
Addison Aloian (she/her) is an editorial assistant at Women’s Health. When she’s not writing about all things pop culture, health, beauty, and fashion, she loves hitting leg day at the gym, shopping at Trader Joe’s, and watching whichever hockey game is on TV. Her work has also appeared in Allure, StyleCaster, L’Officiel USA, V Magazine, and Modern Luxury Media.
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